I thougt what we had meant something to you. I didn’t think you could hurt me like this. I really don’t want to hurt you or destroy our relationship. But that is what I will do. Then when I am leaving you. I am starting to have like real feelings for you, how come it won’t last? Why does life has to be a bitch? I know what is about to happen. But I don’t want it to happen. I hate it. I hate that I am going to leave you. I am going to leave this city, and I really don’t feel any remorse. But leaving you is going to be one of the hardest things I will do. Like ever in my life. I cant fight my feelings. But do I want to? If I fight them and distance myself maybe the goodbye will be easier. But I really really don’t want to distance myself from you. Because my feelings are to many and my love for you to real, to let go. I can’t help that I am feeling this way. On the same time as I really wanna feel these things for you I really don’t. I don’t want to be sad or horrified, and I really like you. And I just don’t want to depend on anyone else, and I just feel like I am starting to let my guard down with you. But I am not sure that it is a good thing. Because if I let parts of me go to you it is going to be hell this autumn when we go seperate ways. Because I know it will happen. I know that I need to focus on myself this year, and I know what I need to do to make my life amazing. But it won’t be as amazing without you. But it will probably be without you. Because a long-distance realtionship in this age is really hard, and I am not sure that we would be able to make it. And would we want to? I am not sure if I would. And that is such a hard thing to admitt. I want you so bad, but I can’t have you the way I would wish. I want us to last. But at the same time I am not sure that I want us to be together for that long. But I still don’t want to lose you. You mean to much and I like you to much to let you go the way I need to let you go. I want you as long as I can, and I can really not leave you now. I really can’t. But I don’t know what is best, leaving this relationship now, or make the best of the time that is left. Because when autumn comes, there won’t be an option to stay in it. And I really don’t wanna hurt you, and if we break now, we will hurt eachother. And I just feel like that is not an option.