theurgetowriteeverything.blogg.se

I miss him. Like hell. And I can't get him back. And it hurts. And I don't want it to be reality. But it is. And it is my fault. And I hate myself for it everyday. I write so much about this. And I can't tell him. Because he do not want to hear. He do not want to hear me say I am sorry anymore. He is still my friend. But I want him to be more. So much more. I don't want it to be like this. But it is the fucking reality and all I can do is live my life and move on. As if I could do that. Tried to talk to other guys, to try to move forward. It ended with me telling the guy that my heart is so damn hurt and then I continued laying on the floor crying because I missed him so freaking much.

And it does not feel like it is going to get better anytime soon. And I just want to tell him I miss him. That I want him back. That I want us to be us again. And that I probably love him. I really think I do. And now it is too late. and can you understand how much my heart bleeds. And that I lay awake at night way to often. I cry and lay on the floor staring at the ceiling trying to tell myself that it is okey to be hurt, and that it will get better soon. Though I can't feel that yet. I just feel regret and sadness.